My DHhell nightmare


I ordered moo cards and stickers a while ago and picked express shipping so that I'd get them in time for the CS4 launch. Big mistake. Moo uses DHL for their express shipping. DHL tried to deliver on the first day and I was out. So I arranged a redelivery and left a note asking them to leave the package at the Solutions Apple Store next door and came back to another note saying "ALL NOTES MUST BE SIGNED". Oh, you just have to love huge corporations and their policies. Heck, anyone could have signed the note while it was hanging on the door — they don't know what my signature looks like — but oh, no, "no signature, no delivery".

It's like all those store alarms that go off at all hours of the night in the middle of town. The cops won't even take a look if you report them unless you can actually see a burglary in progress. They're not linked to anything. So why have them? Lowers the insurance, apparently.

Fair enough, so I didn't get my moo cards or stickers in time for the CS4 launch events in Amsterdam and Belgium.

I called back yesterday to reschedule a delivery and the automated service told me that it was scheduled and that I should expect delivery today unless I heard back from them.

I didn't hear back from them.

I didn't get the parcel today.

So I called their 0870 number again. And lied to the automated service in order to speak to a human being. And then got connected to a different department. And then got told that it was the wrong department. And then called their 0870 number again and had to lie again because that's the only way you can speak to a human being. And got redirected to a different department. And then had a brainless automaton tell me that they couldn't redeliver because they had already tried twice and it was their policy not to try again. Could they at least send it to the Hove branch? No, they wouldn't move it. I had to go to Gatwick to pick it up.

I could order new ones for less money.

Just as I was telling the pathetic excuse for a human being on the other end of the line that he was a pathetic excuse for a human being, Stephanie found the number for the Gatwick depot. I called it.

And, can you believe it, I actually got a human being. Her name was Karen.

And she said, "sure" they could send it to the Hove depot on Monday. When I sounded dismayed, she checked if they could send it sooner and found that they could send it tonight so I could pick it up tomorrow. Oh-my-goodness A Real Human Being with feelings that understands and is trying to be helpful.

Thank you, Karen. Thank you for being a human being in a corporate culture that apparently rewards blind adherence to corporate policy and doesn't care about customers one bit.

In case you find yourself in a similar nightmare, here is the number of the Gatwick depot: 01293511815. Ask for Karen, she's human.

Stephanie found the number through Say No to 0870 which has actual phone numbers instead of the premium, non-geographical phone numbers that companies who don't care about their customers use. You have no idea how riled up I was after having to call an 0870 number five times today and pay for the privilege of being told that they didn't want to help me.

That's what gets me. It's not that they "couldn't" help me like they kept saying -- of course they could -- they didn't want to. They didn't give a damn.

So next time, there's no way in hell that I'm going to pay extra for express shipping from moo. Every other order that I've put in, through regular shipping with Royal Mail, has come it without an issue. Our postman is awesome. If you're not in, he'll ring every other bell until he can get in and leave you your package. I don't know your name, man, but thank you for being human and understanding that I care about receiving my parcels not corporate policies.

If we keep putting up with these huge corporations and their automatic answering services and their total failure to relate to the needs of human beings we may just find ourselves turning into the same sorts of robots that we keep talking to.

Personally, I will never use DHL again and I will never buy from anywhere that ships exclusively via DHL. It's a drop in the bucket, but hey, you know what they say about what happens when you have enough of those drops.

And, finally, I would strongly urge moo not to use DHL. Your corporate cultures could not be more different. Moo is a company that cares and goes out of its way to make its customers happy. DHL couldn't care less.